he always thought

like an enhanced time-lapse video take, his thoughts rapidly change.  he connects them immediately after he witnesses them, and thus he “knows” things.  but the images formulate a faster-than-average reality that he could never fathom while simply laying face-up in a grassy field.  [but oh, how it has been so long since he’s done this.]
the difference here is that he can’t seem to remember each thought that enters the lens; the red LED never deactivates.  unlike a traveling camcorder running on a dying battery, this one is fixed to the wall by two metal prongs, streaming life to its source as long as he lives.  rather than capturing what he wants to see on a journey of social excavation, the camera is flipped and directed at only him, and he is quite literally left to his own devices.  alone, enclosed by walls, out of touch.

he cannot slow the process of this machine.
he cannot control his own mind.

if only the camera could revert to a normal setting!  it has been days—even weeks—since he remembers the gradual fall of a setting sun, the delicate flight of ever-changing clouds set on the most pure blue backdrop, God’s artwork entirely unaffected by man.
no, the camera’s speed remains rapid; it takes in images by the millions per second and spits out an illusory video to summarize.  his production is subpar, and he wants the camera off of himself.  he wants to show it the world, to capture those other than himself, but it sees nothing outside his four blank painted walls in his brick apartment on a city street.

he is a recluse because of his camcorder.  he walks outside on occasion but knows it’s still on, and he’ll be the center and the focus and the star of its video regardless, for he must return to it when he comes home at night.

the man decided late one evening to walk under lamplights and urban streets to a place where no one could see him, and he could see nothing.  he layed down on the cold damp ground in what must have been a run-down park, closed his eyes, and removed his mind of thoughts.  not the video nor its speed nor men entered his mind.. and he smiled.  after a couple hours, and without any notion of the evening’s hour, he picked up a stone and walked home to enter his video once more.

he threw the stone at the camcorders lens.  the LED was extinguished.
he was free.


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